Two guys walking down the street… …notice a dog licking his balls. The first guy say “Man, I wish I could do that.” Second guy says “You should probably just pet him first.”

If you’re attacked by a mob of clowns, what should you go for? The juggler

My new fragrance is called Failure and smells roughly like a bowling alley.

So I found a Chinese pet carer… He said he would wok my dog for me

I asked the Riddler if I could be the host of his next party. He said, “Be my guest.”

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”

God, grant me serenity to accept that people are ignorant, courage to uphold the law when I’m hostile & wisdom to realize murder is illegal.

What fish is best to have in a boat? A Sailfish.

Somebody just told me they were bad but they didn’t say “cha’mone” afterward so haha cmon guy how bad can you be

I love getting Halloween candy… It makes me Snicker(s).