How are sex and pizza similar? If you get it from someone in a Chuck E. Cheese’s it’s never very good.

What did one John say to the other John? “What’s the matter? You look flushed!”

The woman seated next to me wanted to know if San Francisco is near the water. I replied, “What’s water?” so she wouldn’t feel stupid.

How does Porkins get into his star fighter? He has to wedge himself in.

A man was arrested for having sex with a virgin He was charged with breaking and entering.

Three musical notes, A, C and E walk into a bar. .. The bartender says, “I’m sorry but I’m not allowed to serve a minor. “

A rude answer to when someone tells you they want something that isnt going to happen. Want in one hand and shit in the other one, then tell me which one fills up first.

After being an atheist for so long, I am now a catholic. Idk. I just really like cats

How do you poison a hipster? Gluten

How many feet are in a yard? 4 if you have a dog.