[commercial for soup] NARRATOR: ever wanna drink a sandwich?

What’s the best time to go to a dentist? Two thirty

Last Night my Fiance asked me to tell her something sweet Me ” Hey I’m never gonna give you up… never gonna let you down…” Her “That’s it the engagement is off. Goodnight.”

What do you call a muscular Arab? Protein sheikh

Do women who complain about never getting laid know about men?

911: What is your emergency. M: I need to report a home invasion. This woman looks like my mother in law but she’s smiling. Please hurry.

While they’re a lot of fun on Halloween, did you know most jack-o’-lanterns end up at the pound? Please. Next year, carve a puppy.

My friends and I are having a body-part pun contest. The game is afoot!

Sex. Yes, it’s a short joke.

What do you get when you eat all the potatoes? [They’re all gone.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzwDgz053PI)