Whats the difference between a black guy and a bench? A bench can support a family

I find if you sprinkle some bacon bits on a salad, but don’t actually add any salad, then its a pretty good salad.

My dad wanted to name me, “Rusty,” if I was a boy. Thank you, X chromosomes.

My mate’s gambling is getting out of hand. He’s just bet his newborn son in our game of poker. I thought, “I might have to raise him.”

There once was a girl from Leith… who circumcized guys with her teeth. It wasnt for fame, or the love of the game, it was for the cheese underneath.

WIFE:Someone’s broken in ME *grabs baseball bat*Wait here [downstairs] PAL:Can’t u just tell her u wanna play baseball M: Keep ur voice down

A new definition of the word “shrimp” A girl whose body is so good but you want to cut her head off.

I’ve decided to sell my Hoover ….. it was just collecting dust

[furious with son] wife: what happened? me: he talks back to me and is insulting me in Spanish [son from room] yolo isn’t spanish me: ya see

Daaaaamn girl! You’re like a fire alarm! Really loud and annoying!