An atheist, a vegan and a crossfitter walk into a bar… I only know because they told everyone within two minutes.

Why don’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom? Because it’s *P* is silent….

I’ve always been the kind of person who likes to think outside of the box. Although it has harmed my career as a goalkeeper.

Turkey Is going to get served very soon

What’s the difference between a Maine girl and a moose? 15 lbs and a flannel shirt.

I always love the reaction I get after I cannonball into a public pool. “OMG, Where’s my baby!?”

What is the difference between a chihuahua humping your leg and a pit bull humping your leg? The pit bull gets to finish.

What would you call it when a dinosaur gets into a car crash? Tyrannosaurus Wrecks

How are airplanes and women alike? They both have cockpits.

They say that 15% of males don’t get enough fibre in their diet… …I guess it’s tough shit for them!