Why is NASA having a lawsuit filed against them from animal protection? …because curiosty killed the cat

A man was milking a cow… and suddenly a bull walks into the barn. The cow gets panic and says,”Oh shit! My husband!”

Huh? Guess I must’ve got drunk and married Google at some point. I can barely get a word out now before it tries to finish my sentence.

Hey, do you like analogies? I got plenty! I got analogy to rabbits, analogy to grass, analogy to mold…

Do you know how to avoid click bait? Obviously not…

What is the hardest part in coming out of the closet? Telling your parents you are gay.

Young man cashier: Ma’am, if you don’t mind me saying, you have really beautiful eyes. What I heard: Ma’am

Teacher: Why are you pushing garlic into the computer’s disk drive? Pupil: To keep vampires off the Internet Teacher: But there aren’t any vampires on the Internet Pupil: See? It works doesn’t it?

Why cant Ray Charles see his friends? Because he’s ~~Blind~~ Married

Door-to-door Christian guy: Jesus loves you. Me: Really? Just me? Him: Well, no. He loves everyone. Me: I don’t have time for players.