My landlord just called and said my neighbors just complained about all the loud freaky sex they are hearing from my house… So now I’m on my way to buy some headphones for my laptop…

What do you get if an elephant has sex with a rabbit? A dead rabbit with a gaping asshole.

Have you heard what I think of windmills? Big Fan.

When I see a couple sharing the same facebook account I always want to ask them which one of you got caught having an affair

Women are generally speaking

What did the police officer say to the white man running away with a TV? “Sir, you dropped your receipt!”

I just Tokyo drifted my shopping cart into the checkout line and now all the moms in this grocery store want to have an affair with me.

A seal walks into a club…. That’s the story and we’re sticking to it.

How many super saiyans does it take to change a light bulb? FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON DRAGON BALL Z!

I hate seeing people I know on Tinder My girlfriend has some explaining to do…