[in bed] Me: got a costume from the Princess Leia slave scene Him: omg yes Me: *disappears to change* *comes back dressed as Jabba the Hutt*

Q1: What vehicle does T-Rex use to go from planet to planet? A: A Dinosaucer

Oscar Wilde once boasted that he could make a pun on any subject… Someone called out “The Queen!” “Ah”, replied Wilde, “but the Queen is not a subject.”

What’s the difference between a jew and a pizza? A pizza doesn’t scream when you put it in the oven!

Me: I’m going shopping. Him: If you buy more than one pair of shoes I’m divorcing you. Me: Deal!

All I want in this world is some one I can turn to and yell, “Avenge Me!!” if I’m dying or wrongly accused of a crime. Oh and rocket shoes

What’s the difference between a jew and a pizza? A pizza doesn’t scream when you put it in the oven.

I heard 80% of all accident happen within 10 miles of home. So I moved.

We called her herpes helen We called her herpes Helen because her name was Helen.

What is Donald Trump’s rap name? Toupee Fiasco