What do you call a boxer who comes home after a fight, to beat up his wife? Overtime.

Where can I donate to the American Red Cross? I would like to help with house #7.

what’s the peak of bad luck to fall off a crashing plane on a sinking ship

same sex I have the same sex with my wife every month..

Doctor: “You have a blockage in your small & large intestine” Barista: … Barista: … Doctor: *Sigh* “Ok, Tall & Venti intestine.”

Cross-Eyed Monster: When I grow up I want to be a bus driver. Witch: Well I won’t stand in your way.

My cat constantly looks at me like I asked her to give me a ride to the airport.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it 😉

In the future the only two jobs left are Uber driver and escape room planner.

Nurse: Where does it hurt? Me: *Points to heart* Nurse: Awwww that is so cute! Me. *COLLAPSES FROM HEART ATTACK*