What did the fish say when it swam into the wall? Dam.

“Because Im a goddamned rock star!” wasn’t the answer my boss was looking for as to why I was late to work, lesson learned.

my last words when I die will be See you later…..maan.

What did the timid porn star say to the talking cat? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LOOOOOOONG JOHNSON!!!!

I tried to catch fog yesterday Mist

Disliking the social justice crowd is to hating social justice as disliking the song “We Are the World” is to hating starving children.

Irishman applies for a job at a Blacksmiths. The Blacksmith asks “Have you ever shoed a horse?” The Irish man replies, “No, but I once told a Donkey to fuck off.”

I could argue that someone passing out in the punchline enhances the joke, but that would be faint praise indeed.

A very British joke: I went to a class to learn how to make the perfect cup of tea It was a steep learning curve

Get off my lawn. Oh, it’s you. Mow the lawn. -My dad