What’s the biggest difference between Republicans and Democrats? Republicans sign their checks on the front, and democrats sign on the back.

What’s the difference between some tuna , a piano and some glue ? You can tuna piano but you can’t piano a tuna

Why are Werewolves such pessimists? They refuse to look at the silver lining.

How to get fucked up in bakery? Get creampied.

Me: I bet you die before you figure out how to text me back. *3 years later* Grandma: Fuck you bitch. Say bye to your inheritance

What is the difference between complete and finished? If you find the right woman, you’re complete.

I started working on my 2nd million this year… Gave up on the first…

A wizard walks into a gay bar…. …and disappeared with a poof

If Trump wins, why should you move to Mexico instead of Canada? Because there’ll be an actual wall keeping you from Trump

What did Anakin say when the princess asked for his credit card? Naboo