Jerry Seinfeld is at Best Buy. “We’ve got a great deal on TVs today” the salesman says. “What’s the deal?” Jerry says. The Best Buy explodes

I have feelings for you. Please take them and leave.

President of Columbia has announced that the country is going into severe economic depression… …since the deaths of Amy Winehouse and Whitney Houston.

What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a jelly ? The collie wobbles !

How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Staple a piece of bread to the ceiling.

Well. Now I’m beginning to think Toyota is doing this on purpose. Like they’re getting back at people for making jokes about Asian drivers.

My 4 year old and I are having an argument. I’m telling him that he is making me late for work and he’s telling me that he is Batman.

Teacher: What is the formula for water? Student: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O. Teacher: That’s not what I taught you. Student: But you said the formula for water was…H to O.

I’m not in a relation”ship,” I’m in a relation”barge” that’s towing emotional garbage all day long.

Someone keeps downvoting my racist jokes. It’s like a ton of black people suddenly got laptops or something.