Did you hear about the Chinese military general who deserted his position during a time of war? It was General Tso, and he will always be known as a chicken

I like my coffee like I like my women. Without a penis.

Eating some turkey? Put gravy on it. Mashed potatoes dry? Try gravy. Headache? Shot of gravy. Depressed? More gravy. Lost a limb? Gra

What do you call someone with no arms? Disarmed.

Roman mythology in 3 words The fuck’s plagiarism?

What do you do when you see an epileptic throwing a fit in a bath tub? You throw in some laundry and detergent.

I think the implication that you might want to share your Kit Kat with 3 friends seems unreasonable.

*at a restaurant* Don’t be awkward, don’t be awkward Waitress: how’s the food? Me: yes

A person who knows two languages is called bilingual. Three or more languages; multilingual. What do you call someone who knows one? American.

A girl just broke up with her friend The guy deserved it. He loved her more than anything, but still he treated her really badly. He really was a dick’ to her. (addicted to her)