What do you call it when Einstein faps? A stroke of genius.

Wanna hear a funny joke? Woman’s rights. Sorry for the sexism here, but i saw this and laughed my head clean off

Siri, fight Alexa.

Not to get technical But according to chemistry alcohol is technically a solution

Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he never never lands!

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom? because the ‘p’ is silent.

What do you call it when a pickle makes a mistake? A dill d’oh

What snakes are good at sums ? Adders !

I just watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes, and I thought to myself, Wow, dogs are easily entertained. Then I realized : I just watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes.

[very obviously being hit on] hahaha ok well, see you around [4 days later, cutting open a cantaloupe] wait a second