What do you call a fart in a gay bar? A mating call LoL

Pronounce it “Valentimes Day” so Cupid will know to shoot you right in your stupid face.

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? “Hold onto your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary blow job.”

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put him in the microwave ’till his Bill Withers.

Of course my days are numbered.. That’s how calendars work.

How many dead-heads does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They just let it burn out and follow it around for twenty years.

What’s the difference between an alpaca and your Mom? One is a hairy beast that spits, the other is native to South America.

Me: I can’t get this star on top of the Christmas tree without a ladder, without dumping it over & ruining it. Whiskey: Yes you can.

What do you call it when a banana eats another banana? Canabananalism EDIT: Thanks for all the support, only my second reddit post and I’m surprised this got as many upvote a as it did!

Why will no one watch the Olympic games this year only old men will be competing