What kind of dog wears a uniform and medals ? A guard dog !

“Ok welcome to ask stupid questions club. Any questions?” Is this ask stupid questions club? “You’re now the leader of this club” What club?

“I find it hard, it’s hard to find” – Kurt Cobain looking for the TV remote

How to lose a gf: Gf: which of my friends would be the most fun to have a 3some with? Me: *names two of them*

DEAD BABY JOKES! I will get it started! Why is a pile of dead babies easier to move than a pile of bowling balls. – You cant use a pitchfork to move a pile of bowling balls.

What is your favorite one or two line joke? (X-Post from AskReddit) http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/32df3n/what_is_your_favorite_one_to_two_line_joke/ There were some funny jokes in there

Why is [friend’s name] always on the bottom? Because they won’t stop fucking up

How many Trump supporters does t take to change a light bulb? None, they’ll just make the Mexicans do it.

I quit watching awards shows, because I never win anything.

Knock Knock Who’s there ! Brook ! Brook who ? Brook-lyn bridge !