Telescopes probably use mirrors which means there is absolutely no way to know how many vampires there are in space.

What do you call a bodybuilder that can’t sing? Muscle tone deaf.

How much does a Polar Bear weigh? Enough to lower your standards, I’m moonsout_goonsout

Did you hear about the policeman who arrested the two boys, one who had a battery in possession and the other a firework? He charged one and let the other off.

Are you a Popsicle stand? …Because I kind of want to blow you

Anyone that says there are no stupid questions has never had to explain to a 5 year old why there are no pink bananas 267 times today.

A girl at the restaurant was about to eat her food before I stood up & yelled “STOP. THIS IS NOT THE THIRD WORLD LADY. INSTAGRAM IT FIRST”

A man comes into the doctor’s office the doctor says: “Clean that up yourself.”

What did the one eyed thief, with a hook for a hand, call the elven princess? Arrrrrrr-wen

So the doctor tells me I have Cancer…. I said, “That’s nonsense, I’m a Gemini.”