Did you hear about the New 3 Million Dollar Alabama State Lottery? 3 dollars a year for a million years.

Caeser ran into his friends Brutus Brutus said “hey Julius, I heard you raped a Senators wife. What happened?”. Caeser replied. ” Vidi Vici Veni!”

*daughter reading *son playing ipod *dog sleeping *house quiet *I go take a dump FISTFIGHT BREAKS OUT, DOG’S ON FIRE

Why was the Butcher depressed? Because his life was in shambles.

“Son: Dad, i had sex for the first time” ‘Dad: That is great Son! Sit down and tell me all about it’ ‘son: Yeah about that…’

If George W. Bush was the president of France today, he would declare war on Finland.

Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

What did one diabetic say to the other diabetic, on their blind date? I’m sorry, but you’re just not my type.

What’s the hardest thing about rollerblading ?? Telling your parents you’re gay.

What do you call an escape artist dog? Basset Houndini