Steve Irwin would have survived if he was wearing sun screen It protects against harmful rays

Your hips may not lie but your pushup bra is a sociopath.

Kept nodding off at an estate auction and bought a garden gnome for 3 million dollars.

I bet black people whoooa this tweet is not starting off well

Do you think that a funeral director signs his letters with ‘ yours eventually’?

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice? polar-oids

*ruins your party with a can of Serious String*

Grizzlies are emerging from hibernation, so hiking in groups of 3 or more is recommended. Also not being the slowest one of the group.

I thought my witty comeback was completely original…. Turns out it was a riposte.

What’s Christopher Nolan’s favorite song? BBBRRAAAAAAAHHHHHMMM…’s lullaby.