Alternate Lyrics: I kissed a Trans and I liked it. The taste of her hairy lap stick.

Small girl: I’d buy that dog but his legs are too short! Clerk: Too short ? Why all four of them touch the floor.

How does a Jewish man know his wife died? Well, the sex is the same but the dishes are piling up.

If people had to spell something correctly before being allowed to criticize it, the internet would be a far more peaceful place.

The definition of an oxymoron /r/Productivity

What do you get if you group 8 sodium atoms together? Batman.

Me: How much should I spend on an engagement ring? Jeweler: 3 months salary on the stone. Me: *Duct tapes pile of Fruity Pebbles together.

The difference between a girlfriend and a girl friend… is a little chasm I call the friend zone.

Wife: Let’s go outside. 3-year-old: No! The deer will eat me. Wife: Deer don’t eat people 3: The zombie ones do Wife: Get your dad. Now.

There is a new Barbie doll on the market – Cyclops Barbie …one eye right in the middle of her forehead; Cyclops Ken sold separately