What does a horse and kryptonite have in common? They both paralyze superman

Welcome to passive aggressive club. We’re so happy you came twenty minutes late. Sure, get a cup of coffee, we’ll wait.

Why shouldn’t you kiss someone on January 1st? because its the first date

Do you know … Do you know what girls say to guys with big dicks……. **I do…**

“Blown out of all proportion” … .. is a cliche you don’t see every day of the week.

Between IKEA and Burger King, I think it’s safe to say we’ve all eaten entire horses by now.

What’s a Grecian Urn? About 2 bucks an hour depending on what the current minimum wage is.

When it comes time to claiming kids on your income tax. Hood rich

What do you call a nautical plunderer who assists with the flight of an aircraft? A co-pirate

SCIENTIST: The universe is a big mess of molecules bumping into each other. ME: I like when pizza molecules bump into my mouth molecules.