To those who hate birds. I think they’re pretty fly myself.

Have you heard of airplane skirts? They’re so short, you can see the cockpit.

How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb? One, but the lightbulb has to WANT to change.

Why can’t you see elephants hiding in trees? …because they are hiding

I WILL NOT click on your tinyurl link, no matter what people are saying about me.

How does a rice burner start a street race? With a pilaf.

Why is Viagra like Disneyworld? – You have to wait an hour for a three minute ride

[2 T-Rex’s getting drunk] “I’m wasted.” “Me too. You know how bad?” “Don’t say it again.” “I can’t feel my face.” “Goddammit, Kevin.”

Everyone has a photographic memory, some don’t have film.

What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn’t? her bellybutton.