Hi, I’m bisexual. I’d like to BUY you a drink…and then get sexual.

As an atheist I don’t receive many xmas cards and the ones I do disproportionately say “may God have mercy on your soul.”

She told me to stop singing wonderwall I said “stop stealing other users post for karma you karma-whoring piece of shit.”

A Day in Court

How could the pimp always easily locate his ho? Because, she really stands out on the street.

What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything

Most people think that being in your 50s is now classed as the new 30s. Take my word for It, the police speed cameras think differently

Guy is taking a super loud dump in the toy. So I kick in the stall door and yell, “Fuck you, man who is shitting!” I kick in the stall door and yell, “Fuck you, man who is shitting!”

What’s the difference between a blonde and a guy? The blonde has the higher sperm count.

“Truth or dare” “Truth” “What’s your credit card number”