I think I want to clean mirrors for a living It’s just a job I can see myself doing

Why does pooping get more intense while you’re listening to music? Because it’s logarythmic.

To the woman who keeps pounding and screaming at my door all night: I’m not letting you go…

One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Haha you are adopted. Credit to this post? https://www.reddit.com/r/Showerthoughts/comments/3715bp/one_mans_trash_is_another_mans_treasure_would_be/

How do you call a black guy that uses testosterone boosters? Testostyrone.

What happened to the man with two wooden legs whose house burnt down? He fell on his ash.

Lost a couple FB friends overnight. Hopefully they just died and it wasn’t something I said…

A restaurant patron complained about the limited dessert selection, and an Irish man turned his head to respond. What was the complaint? **Flan AGAIN?!**

What do you call the white guy on a bus full of black guys? Coach.

I had a good Fallout 4 pun in mind… but I forgot it Radaway…