You are what your parents ate too..I’m part black licorice..part hot dog.

When I die, I want to go like my grandpa….. Peacefully in my sleep, unlike them whinny kids screaming as the bus went off the cliff.

Ill draw a drawer But I won’t doodle a doodle.

Stop! This is not funny! My dad died in 9/11, his last words were Allah wakbar

What happens when you put 6 city workers and 6 lesbians in a room together? You get a dozen people who don’t do dick

The key to comedy? Perfect del ivery

I don’t understand the purpose of smooth objects. I mean, there’s no point.

A three legged puppy walks into a bar The puppy looks at everyone in the bar and says, I’m looking for the man that shot my paw.

SON: The car’s manual suggests not to turn the stereo up all the way. DAD: Guess you could say- SON: NO DON’T- DAD: -that’s sound advice.

Before murdering someone ask yourself: Am I justified? Will I find forgiveness? Did I pay for the shovel in cash?