Thor is riding on the back of his mighty war horse. He shouts “I AM THOR! I AM THOR!” His horse replies: “That’s because you forgot your thaddle thilly!”

The doctor asked for a urine sample, a blood sample and a semen sample So I gave him my underwear

What’s worse than a centipede with sore feet? A giraffe with a sore throat

[first date] me: [don’t let her know you’re a microwave] her: my food is a bit cold me: [my head starts slowly rotating]

Did you ever notice how men always leave the toilet seat up? That’s the joke.

If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

What’s a capitalist’s favourite dessert? PROFITeroles. Bad, I know.

What does it sound like when a pterodactyl uses the bathroom? Nothing, the pee is silent

Sometimes I have my shit together, sometimes I eat an unidentified white substance out of my hair and am grateful when it’s frosting.

KID:Dad what’s the difference between a gerbil and a rat DAD WHO IS A MAFIA BOSS:A gerbil sleeps in a cage and a rat sleeps with the fishes