If I got $1 every time a woman said I was’t her type, I’d be her type.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.

Studies show that your chances of getting murdered drop down significantly when you STFU and mind your own business.

Sorry, can’t. I looked away while my child was in the middle of an hour long run-on story and now he has to start all over.

I would tell a joke about chris brown and rihanna But i always forget the punch line

Why shouldn’t anybody help cats down a tree? Because they’re stuck up

Everybody laughed at me when I told them I was going to be a comedian. I thought,”Well,that’s not bad for a start.”

What lights up a football stadium ? A football match !

Why did the basketball receive medical attention? He was passed out.

I can tell exactly how much someone weighs by how much noise they make when I push them down the stairs.