How many suh dudes does it take to fix a light bulb? It’s already lit fam

I went to the doctor recently.. * Doctor: Do you play any sports? * Me: Does sex count? * Doctor: Yes * Me: Then no.

*Joe Biden nibbles Obama’s ear* – Please stop it *Joe whispers* Say it – No go away *angrily whispers* Say it! – …please stop Biden my ear

This pizza looks like a pie chart of 100% good news.

What is a Nazi baker’s secret ingredient? White Flour!

I’m writing this from the hospital Don’t worry! The doctors say I’m going to be OK but I must warn you. The Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name!

[NSFW] What did the sperm say to the egg? Cum with me if you want to live.

Did you know Cecil was a black lion? And man, even in Africa, the white people **STILL** be killing tiggas.

If you have 3 tweets in a row that say what you’re cooking, what song you’re listening to, and what your mood is… just go back to Facebook.

ME: you know what they say, curiosity killed the cat CAT: that’s awful why would they say that? ME: really? CAT: *dies*