What do you call an elephant in a phone box? Stuck.

Why are women so bad at parking? Because they’ve been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.

I ran into the back of a dwarf’s car. He said he wasn’t happy. I said “Well which one are you?”

Considering the yr Jesus is said to have been born, I question those who give him the wheel or make him their copilot.

What does a pirate say when he turns 80? Aye matey

Everything happens for a reason. The reason is a chaotic intersection of chance and the laws of physics.

I asked a Chinese girl for her number.. She said, “Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!” I said, “Wow!” Then her friend said, “She means 666-3629.”

An open letter to the President of the United States. Dear Mr. President I know where you live.

I ate some crickets last night. Gave me the runs.

If Bill Clinton ever says “I can’t. My wife would kill me” What he really means is his wife would have him killed.