Why did the french man put a bomb on his kitchen floor? Because he wanted to see Linoleum Blownapart.

In my spare time I like to read, write, and fall in love with unavailable people.

I really like chicken “So, you really like cocks?” “No, but your mom does.” “I’m sorry but she’s not a hen…”

What did one ocean say to the other one? Nothing. They just waved…

Why is peter pan always flying? He neverlands I like this joke because it never grows old This joke is off the hook Sorry

WIFE: Let’s role-play ME: OK W: U be a teacher *I get up & leave* W: Where u going? M: Do u have ANY idea how much paperwork I’ve got to do?

Superman: Only one cookie left. Batman: Rock, paper, scissors for it? Superman: 1, 2, 3, GO! Batman: *pulls out Kryptonite and eats cookie*

What if Hitler killed all the Jews The Fine brothers wouldnt exist. Thats all I wanted to say.

How do you make a Bloody Nicole? Like a Bloody Mary, but with a stab of OJ…

*Opens fridge *Sees chocolate bar with a note “please don’t eat me”. *Eats chocolate bar Now who would want to eat a piece of paper?