What happened when Bush took Bin Laden’s Lunch Money? 9/11.

My friends say I have a gambling addiction… I bet I don’t.

I’m looking for a new nursing home for my mother. Something without phones or access to postage stamps.

What is a pirates favorite article of clothing? His sc*aaarrrr*f Edit: I get it guys, you all have better punchlines than me.

Sherlock was working on his garden, when Watson walked over and asked what he was planting. “What are you planting?” said Watson. “It’s a lemon tree, my dear Watson.”

An engineer major asks… “How can we build this?” A business major asks, “How can we finance this?” A liberal arts major asks, “Do you want fries with that?”

Q: How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: “Nobody said I needed doubles on that!”

Why does Beyonce sing “To the left, to the left?” Because black people have no rights

A true Irish bean soup is made with exactly 239 beans… ..if you were to add one more bean, it would be too farty.

What’s green, slimy, and smells like bacon? Kermit The Frog’s fingers.