My grandfather is such a grammar Nazi that he made every Jew in the camp practice writing every day.

Do the French play video games? Wii

I’m going to open a restaurant and call it I Don’t Care. So us men can finally take u women to the place u want to go to when we ask

I just got a DM from a guy who said he was a Day Trader. I offered him 3 Mondays for a Friday.

What do you call a dictionary that smokes weed? High definition

Why did Yogi Bear only have a collar and a tie, and not a full dress shirt? *Patiently waits as you all Google pics of Yogi Bear*

THAT SMILE A reporter asks Bill Clinton,. ‘What did you find most attractive concerning Monica Lewinsky?” He replied, ‘She had the prettiest smile I ever came across.”

Women like silent men… they think they’re listening!

What does Ebenezer Scrooge serve at his Christmas Party? Humburgers!

Everyone lies on their resume but I fear I may have gone overboard with ‘immortal’ and ‘shoots lasers from eyes’ and ‘hardworking’.