Bacon is like a woman it looks good it smells good it tastes good and it slowly kills men

Louis FarraKhan and Jeffery Dalmer walk into a bar… ehhhh I got nothin.. just thought that would be a hilarious start to a joke.

There are 10 kinds of people in the world. People who understand binary and people who don’t.

I try to use proper grammar and punctuation in all of my tweets, until I’m about to go over the 140 character limit…& den u no how it b.

What do you get if a post office burns down? Black mail.

What do you get when you divide (Sin B) by (Tan B)? You get roofies, cuffs and a sore butthole

What does a polite monster say when he meets you for the first time? Pleased to eat you!

My reactions 1st child’s problems: I WILL fix this!! 2nd child’s problems: Let me know if you need help. 3rd child’s problems: Good luck.

Him: ‘Sorry Mr Hill, no last minute call from the Governor. Any last words?’ Me: -whimpering ‘She squeezed the toothpaste from the middle’

I can’t understand how Bruce Jenner wants to become a woman The plastic surgery has got be mildly painful, but the sucking out of half the brain has got be excruciating.