Everyone had heard of the Ronald McDonald house for abused children….. Now they’re opening the tempura house for lightly battered women.

If you’re in a bar and a newscaster says, “Police report the killer left a small doll at the scene,” don’t shout, “It was an action figure!”

I have a stepladder because…. My real ladder left me when I was young.

Q: What did Obi-Wan say to Luke at the breakfast table? A: “Use the fork, Luke.”

A rabbi, a Priest, and a duck walk into a bar… and the bartender says “What is this, a fucking joke?”

You know when doctors leave the room they are just checking Web MD right?

Why are there so many female archaeologist? Bitches love digging up the past

Sleeping Beauty taught me that: 1. I’m not the laziest girl in the land 2. If you sleep long enough, strange men break in & do stuff to you.

How do astronomers plan a party? they planet.

Atheism just made less sense to me once I saw my neighbor Karen’s tits.