If con is opposite of pro …. then is Congress the opposite of progress?

What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it? Nothing. It just let out a little wine.

My signature sex move is flirting like a pornstar then getting awkward as fcuk once it looks like something could actually happen.

I googled “where do ninjas live?” no results were found. Well played ninjas. Well played.

What are you going to do for a face? When the monkey wants its bum back? 😀

How do you titillate an ocelot? You oscillate it’s tits a lot.

What does a duck put in its burrito? Quackamole.

I think my favorite MLK Day tradition is giving pans of ex-lax laced brownies to all the local racist organizations.

Why don’t Southern girls engage in orgies? Too many thank-you notes.

Even if they all unite against Trump, those seven countries won’t get off the list A seven nation army couldn’t hold Trump back.