What does Las Vegas have in common with Scotland? Not a lot, but in both you can pay for sex with chips.

Old joke perfect for redditors. Frog walks into a library and the librarian puts down books and the frog says “reddit, reddit, reddit.”. Just thought I’d share

Some coworkers sign emails with “cheers” or “sincerely” followed by their names but I typically use “you’ve made a powerful enemy today.”

The phrase “Getting nickeled and dimed” hasn’t kept up with inflation… We’re definitely getting dollared now.

How does Hitler line people up to get ready for mass genocide? Jew by Jew

Statistics never show how many accidents each year are the direct result of a guy checking out some chick’s ass.

WIFE: Hey why are all our potatoes dressed in tiny outfits and arranged in a little scene? ME: [hiding Photato Album] Why? Do you like it?

Relationships are a lot like algebra.. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

I’m surprised the human race doesn’t solve more conflicts with warm bread.

What kind of pizza do pilots like? Plain.