What got the apple into skydiving? Pear pressure.

I just want to hug this out. With my hands around your neck type of hug. What I mean is, I want to strangle you.

WHY DOES THIS BOTTLE OF BODY WASH HAVE DIRECTIONS PRINTED ON IT

What causes something to go up and then down? Viagra falls

How many Biology undergrads does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but doing it will make them think they’re going to be an electrician in the future.

When someone says we can do something “weather permitting” I remind them that weather’s not the boss of me. Snow or no snow, I’m not going.

airplane food whats up with that?

US follows Britain BRITAIN: “Hey, America, watch this!” *BRITAIN SETS ITSELF ON FIRE* USA: “Cool. Can I borrow your lighter?”

Q:what do you catch when you go ice fishing A:a cold

Library Asked librarian for book on suicide. Said no one returns them.