If a movie is ever titled Reception, we know it won’t be starring AT&T.; Am I right? Up top!

WIFE: Please stop. ME: Stop what? WIFE: Singing in the shower. ME: What’s the big deal? WIFE: You’re scaring everyone at Home Depot.

Why did the AC wave try to hang himself? He was sinusoidal.

Whats the difference between a paycheck and a penis? You dont have to beg your wife to blow one of them.

Toddler: I don’t like you. *hits* Adult: I don’t like you. *tracks your movements for the rest of your life*

What do you call a paedophile crustacean? A Diddler Crab

What would you rather have Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s? At least with Parkinson’s you have half a pint.

I fell on my arm and had to have an operation on my funny bone. I was in stitches for two weeks.

What is the difference between Donald Trump and Adolf Hitler? Hitler had big hands

When she says she prefers the strong, silent type she means her vibrator.