Why do chicken coops have 2 doors? Because if they had 4 doors they would be called chicken sedans!

My Canadian 4yo just told me he wants to be Captain America if anyone wants to take a traitor off my hands.

A Nurse talks to her young Patient Kid: Thanks for helping me get through these tough times, will you come and see me when I get out? Nurse: I’d love to, but I am scared of visiting graveyards

I work in a library and a black guy asked me if there are any coloured printers… I said, “Dude, it’s 2016 you can use any printer you want.”

I drink black coffee Because I’m not racist.

Why do owls not mate when it’s raining? Toowet Towoo

Each time a person sneezes on an airplane, that sneeze circulates the entire airplane cabin before being filtered out by vents.

What does a plumber call screwing his wife [NSFW] Servicing the dishwasher

What did the Japanese General say to his kamikaze trainee? Despite what everyone tells you, you’ll never learn from your mistakes.

Girls call me the Burgermeister Meisterburger… After they get with me, they throw away all their toys.