So the American people’s choices for President of the United States will most likely be Donald Trump or Hilary Clinton. That’s it. That’s the joke. There is no punchline.

Raspberry buy guitar Raspberry take lessons Raspberry answer ad Raspberry show up at drummer’s house Raspberry plug in Raspberry Jam

*smoke detector chirps* me*takes battery out* *chirp* me*cuts wires* *chirp* me*smashes it with a hammer* *chirp* wife:We have more than one

[DEATH ROW] WARDEN: Last meal? CON: Just a glass of lemonade please *Drinks lemonade/Burps* WARDEN: Pardon [CON WALKS FREE]

Hey, Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut. #DadJokes

So the past, present, and future walk into a bar. It gets really tense.

I was talking to some insects about my feet. I think they’re pretty big, but mosquitos think they’re bite-sized.

Pardon me while I slip into something a little more… unconscious.

Dark jokes Saturday: What is the most offensive brand name you can come up with? Winners get gold! My contribution: “Auschwitz” air freshener.

The first time I spent the night at my girlfriend’s house, her father would not let us sleep together… …which is a shame because he was very attractive.