got my blood test results back today, and it’s just as i feared. my body is filled with a ton of blood.

Trump and Hillary are in a plane crash. Who survives? America

What do you call a metalhead with a cold? Flemmy

It Looks Like a Booger But it’s SNOT!

There should be a prenatal test to find out if you’re gonna have one of those kids with tiny teeth and giant gums.

What do chickens serve at birthday parties ? Coop-cakes !

How many questions did the politician answer? 9/11

English and American spellings England: colour America: color England: humour America: humor England: flavour America: flavor England: What the hell are you doing? America: Getting rid of u

Sorry I romantically ran a seagull feather across your lips.

I hate when I put food in the microwave and it starts making explosive noises so I check and it’s still cold. Why you gotta be so childish?