If Donald Trump became president… one could say he coined a term.

I wear gasoline for cologne because b*tches love money.

Next time someone knocks on your bathroom stall say “Sorry, I’m with a client.”

Facebook: where English goes to die.

A Storm Trooper and a Red Shirt get into a fight. Storm Trooper misses every shot. Red Shirt dies anyways.

I can’t handle the pressure of competitions. Even in eating races I choke!

My wife caught me cheating last night and i feel so ashamed and full of regret. She’s never going to play monopoly with me again!

There are 10 types of people: Those who understand binary code and those who don`t.

I’m not saying you’re an idiot, I’m typing it.

Do flashers have dreams where they leave the house and suddenly realize they’ve got their pants on?