Have you ever had sex while camping? It’s fucking in tents.

6 was jealous about other kids getting notes in their lunches, so I put one in his: “Sorry, I ate your pudding. Love, Dad.”

What is colder than the dwarf planet Pluto? Legal judgements against fathers

Have you ever had sex while camping? It’s fucking in tents!

Attack today with a positive attitude. Absolutely destroy it with good vibes. Murder its family with hope.

What did one lesbian vampire say to another? See you next month.

Today is the day I release the coyote I trained on Windows 95 back into the wild.

How are women and linoleum floors alike? You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.

I’ve been reading an interesting book about rainbows and colors. It taught me different ways to view color. It’s not all black and white

I’ll never forgive the Nazis for how they treated my Granddad in that concentration camp during the war… Five years he was there on that machine gun tower, and never got a single promotion…