whats the worst thing about being a black jew? you have to sit in the back of the oven…

An old man was asking God: “God, how much time do I have until I’ll die?” And God answered: “Nine.” “God, is that you? What do you mean? Nine months? Nine years?” “Eight, seven, six…”

Difference between an android and an iphone. *iphone falls to the floor* Breaks screen. *android falls to the floor* Breaks floor.

If your joints pop, snap, and crack when you move your not old… Your just crispy.

Imagine a place where you can buy everything related to the Sith and the Dark Side It would be called the Darth Mall… …and everything would be half off

As a kid, I had a real obsession with Posh Spice It cost my parents a fortune in saffron…

what is the hardest part to eat on a vegetable? the wheelchair.

I went to a vegan restaurant once. Wait, no, that was just a florist.

How embarrassing! I tripped and fell out of my clothes.

What is a childs’s favourite type of Halloween candy? Lots a candy.