Drinking Remember, it isn’t drinking alone when you’re pregnant.

What’s the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? One you see later, and the other after a while.

[first day as a celebrity chef] *Just a heartrending 40 minute montage of me struggling to get the potato masher out of the cutlery drawer*

Can someone give me a pun about death of a salesman. preferably about willy, but anything will do

How do you hire an elephant ? Stand it on four bricks !

How do you play the Oscar Pistorius drinking game? When your girlfriend goes to the bathroom, take two shots.

Today may be the hottest day of the year but all the other days have nicer personalities.

Justin Bieber? Why would someone call their daughter Justin?

What is the stupidest animal in the jungle? The polar bear.

Did you hear about the sewer line breaking during a funeral earlier? It was a shitty mourning.