How do you tell the difference in an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? Taste

Did you hear Mike Tyson was just arrested for nearly beating a Pizza Hut waitress to death? As he was finishing eating, she asked “Hey, mister, you wanna box for the rest of your pizza?

I find it inconsiderate that policemen always ask if I had been drinking but they never bother to ask if I had anything to eat at all

Why don’t the citizens of Boston build igloos? Meh. They just aren’t in’ uit.

I think ugly people have children just to prove to everyone they had sex.

I opened a company selling landmines that look like prayer mats Prophets are going through the roof

I hired a pizza chef as my new golf coach. One way or another the dude is gonna fix my slice.

Excuse me, miss. I’m sure you hear this everyday but… … do you know where the nearest McDonald’s is?

What do the World Trade Center and genders have in common? There used to be two of them, but now it’s too offensive to talk about.

I’d name my daughter Roxanne. I’d play the song for her all the time so she knows she doesn’t HAVE to be a prostitute.