If laziness was an Olympic sport… I would be fourth so I wouldn’t have to step up on the podium. Edit: too lazy for dictionaries, thanks /u/ReddSpy

Why did the fox cross the road? It was chassing after the chicken!

Why does it take 10 women with premenstrual tension to change a light bulb? IT JUST DOES, OK JERK?!!!! NOW SHUT UP OR I WILL STAB YOU WITH THE SCISSORS!

What’s the difference between a mexican and a perubian? The passport

Civil War reenactments are a lot like meetings. You do the same thing over and over again while waiting for your turn to die.

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.

Roses are… Roses are grey, Violets are grey, i’m colourblind, and Canadian, eh?

Mitt Romney’s dick tastes nice said Donald Trump.

Kitty Pryde walks into a bar Something is disrupting her mutant power.

Writing a good suicide note is hard, especially if you don’t know that person’s handwriting.