What happens on Santa’s lap……stays on Santa’s lap.

I wonder if anyone being chased by a bear has ever tried just turning around and saying in a really stern voice “NO…Bad Bear”?

Why do vegans don’t like to kiss?? It gives them butterflies in their stomach

First year my husband didn’t give me some sort of sweet on our anniversary. I got roses. He thinks I’m fat. I know it.

If you google “MySpace” your computer will ask “Are you fucking serious right now?”

Cooking tip: You can almost always substitute Nutella for a serious relationship.

Why do crows do vocal exercises every morning? For the Good of the Caws.

What Does a Gynecologist and a Pizza worker have in common? They both get to smell it, but neither gets to eat it.

A procrastinator walks into a bar I’ll post the rest later..

The last time I had sex, there was a dinosaur in the cave with us.