Wanna hear a joke about cats? Haha, just kitten.

Guy across the road can’t get his truck started. Now he’s rolled up his sleeves. That’s how you start trucks. By rolling up your sleeves.

“Give me the best quality TV commercial I can get for $57!” -Every attorney apparently

I saw two blokes having a fight… I shouted, “My money’s on the one with the knife!” You should have seen how fucking fast they both ran off.

I’m no relationship scientist but I think men prefer girls who make their dck hard, not their life.

Mime Ninja Silent, But Deadly.

According to a new report from BP, the earth will run out of oil in 53 years. Luckily, thanks to BP, the ocean will still have plenty…

The guy who developed Fractals.. The guy who developed fractals was Benoit B Mandelbrot, I heard the ‘B’ stood for ‘Benoit B Mandelbrot’

What’s the difference between being hard at work and being hard at work. …you can’t be the latter if you’re a teacher

When meeting someone, I walk calmly and slowly toward them while something explodes behind me, because first impressions are important.