Why are gardeners good at spreading religion. Because they can plant churches.

Her: I LOVE your beard! Me: Thanks, yours is coming in nicely, too! Flirting with women my age is hard, guys.

They should bring lacrosse to the X Games… It would be a great opportunity to advertise ex-lax

Why did Mary Magdalene have an affair with Jesus? She heard about his second coming

When is a door not a door? When it’s a jar

What happens when you give an Italian a coupon? It makes the Dego buy faster.

Diarrhoea runs in my jeans

Charlie couldn’t believe he was being allowed into the Chocolate Factory His girlfriend had been so against it for years

Why is cocaine the alt-right’s favorite drug? White powder!

Husband to daughter’s boyfriend… …”Glad to finally meet you. I’ve noticed you in our food budget for some time now.”